Settle children, settle. So apparently, some fuck-stick in Indiana thought it would be just hilarious to shoot a stray cat in the head with an arrow. First off, the cat’s name, Brownie and yes, Brownie was shot, through the head with a 13-inch arrow. Second off, Brownie couldn’t give a shit. While most of us take the day off of work if we get a paper cut, Brownie just kept on going, found his way home and had the arrow removed.
"Naw, arrows ain't shit. What's your name, girl?"
We’ve done our research and as it turns out, Brownie is Chuck Norris’ cat. No one is surprised about that little factoid. Brownie was shot by some douche-clown two days before Brownie limped home. He was probably too busy doing something like fighting forest fires, beating up Kimbo Slice or giving Brett Farve retirement advice to concern himself with something like an arrow stuck in his head. Think about that. If you stub your toe on the curb because you’re too busy texting or tweeting to notice that there is a huge piece of cement in your foot’s way, you probably find a doctor. Brownie spent two days hanging out and probably got laid [because chicks dig scars]. The scariest thing in the world might be getting shoved into a cage match with this cat. $50 says when the first round started, he’d start punching me in the face while smoking a cigarette and hitting on my mother.
Brownie flew and got laid in this Helicopter with the arrow still in his head.
We’re just waiting to see if they find out who shot Brownie. Think about that guy. First, you’re obviously a serial killer in training and no one loves you. Second, you couldn’t kill a cat with a bow and arrow, so chances are you aren’t going to make it through this whole “survival of the fittest” thing we got going on here on planet Earth. And we know, we know, your dick is broken and you lost your balls in a game of Texas Hold’em but it doesn’t change the fact that you suck at life. Brownie should get his payback by getting to shoot an arrow at his assailant. We’re betting an arrow shot by Brownie would piece through his attacker causing an instant case of the “not-living-anymores” and continue its flight-path through trees, cement blocks, the Batmobile and mobile homes.
Brownie's first birthday. Codename: Life Burglar.
On the good news side, Brownie is cool, the arrow didn’t pierce the skull, it glanced the skull and stuck between the skull and the skin. Brownie is doing much better and the only permanent damages is the entry and exit wound scars. Here’s to Brownie, the James Dean of the cat world. Here’s the video:
Good Talk, Jumpsuit 