Did I just get killed by a skeleton wearing a sweater vest?
CODBallDropper: Okay, someone wanna hit the flank and plug that dude that’s been sniping real quick? I’m going after the two guys in the warehouse.
WoW4Lyfer: I got it.
CODBallDropper: Cool man.
WoW4Lyfer: Alright, you’re good to go.
CODBallDropper: Sweet. Thanks.
CODBallDropper: Um, bro. What the fuck? He just blew my face off… Dude, I can see you standing behind him on his Kill Cam and yep, you’re just standing there picking your dick while he blows my face off.
WoW4Lyfer: Oh shoot dude. I don’t know what happened? I was trying to cast my Freeze Beam of Frozen-ness spell on him. I thought I had done it.
CODBallDropper: It’s cool man just… wait? What the shit did you just say you were trying to do?
WoW4Lyfer: Cast my Freeze Beam of Frozen-ness spell on him?
CODBallDropper: By Freeze Beam of Frozen-ness spell do you mean stab him in the face?
WoW4Lyfer: You can’t stab people in the face in… Oh shit. My bad bro. I was thinking I was playing World of Warcraft there for a minute. This is my first time playing this.
CODBallDropper: Wow.
WoW4Lyfer: Yeah, WoW is pretty awesome.
CODBallDropper: *sigh* Alright, well now that you’re back from Valhalla or wherever the fuck that game is, can you, oh, I don’t know, butcher that sniper for me so I can go all Rambo on those dudes holed up in the building without getting face raped by a rhinoceros sized bullet?
WoW4Lyfer: Again bro, my bad. Yeah, I got this… … you’re good to go.
CODBallDropper: Ok, thanks man.
CODBallDropper: Yeah, guess what I’m doing right now?
WoW4Lyfer: Ramboing?
CODBallDropper: Watching 69DeezNuts‘ kill cam. Guess what he’s doing?
WoW4Lyfer: Probably burning alive from my Torch of the Undead cast! What a noob!
CODBallDropper: Yeah, no. That’s actually not at all what’s he’s doing. He’s lighting up my helmet like it’s a damn pinball machine.
WoW4Lyfer: Yeah, that’s not possible, I definitely cast Torch of the Undead on him. I’m pretty sure my minions dragged him to the underworld and… … oh wait, you’re right. He’s still just laying here.
CODBallDropper: Man, I think I hate you.
WoW4Lyfer: Naw dude, you’re just going about this all the wrong way.
CODBallDropper: Oh is that a fact?
WoW4Lyfer: Yeah dude, no disrespect.
CODBallDropper: Fuck you.
WoW4Lyfer: Whoa bro, just hear me out, I have a plan.
CODBallDropper: Hold on a second, I’m getting my tape recorder.
WoW4Lyfer: For sure.
CODBallDropper: *click* Alright. Go ahead.
WoW4Lyfer: Okay. First, I’m going to summon my Hell Dragon. I’m going to ride him in circles over the sniper’s position. I figure while I’m doing this, you can just lay in wait and cast Health of the Wandering Giant spells on me. During my circular pattern, I figure the sniper’s attention will be solely on me. I’ll use this time to cast my Reigning Power of the Elk curse on him. This, of course, will force him to grow antlers, thus causing my Pack of Ferocious Wolf Ferocity Wolves to attack him.
CODBallDropper: Of course.
WoW4Lyfer: Yeah, like I said, of course. So, since my Pack is only summoned for 35 seconds at a time, I’ll use the time he is fighting them off to equip my Blade of Frog-Like Terror and my Shield of Monstrous Victory.
CODBallDropper: Are you sure you don’t want to equip the Shield of Super-Monstrous Victory instead?
WoW4Lyfer: Yeah, I’m sure. So, with my shield and blade equipped, I’ll position my Hell Dragon, side note, her name is Felicity. I’ll position Felicity downwards towards the snipers location. By this point, he should be confused and mauled by the now-disappeared wolf pack.
CODBallDropper: No doubt.
WoW4Lyfer: So, I’ll use his mauled/confused state against him. I’ll cast my Spell of Knowing upon him so that he knows an enemy is closing in on him.
CODBallDropper: Oh no! That’s suicide man!
WoW4Lyfer: No it’s not because… wait for it… … remember I have my Shield of Monstrous Victory attached and his face has been mauled by wolves!
CODBallDropper: Oh you crafty bitch you.
WoW4Lyfer: He’ll be spraying shots all over the place and if one is fired at me, it’ll just bounce off my shield. As soon as he is out of bullets I’ll swoop in, hop off of Felicity and slay him, sending him from whence he came.
CODBallDropper: *applause* Bravo good sir… Bravo.
WoW4Lyfer: You’ll get there, it’s taken years of practice.
CODBallDropper: Okay, that’s all well in good, but we might not have enough time. So, let’s try this plan I just discovered using my Spell of Plans. Do you have a gun?
WoW4Lyfer: No way man! Only noobs roll Huntards?
CODBallDropper: You have a gun… trust me.
WoW4Lyfer: Actually, I don’t bro. I DO have the Epic Staff of Monkey-Like Wis… oh wait. Is a “9mm” a gun?
CODBallDropper: God help me. Yes. A 9mm is a gun. Okay, how do I make this happen… … … Okay. Point it at the sniper’s head and then shoot that fucking ass-clown as many times as you can or else the Troll of Zangarthiam is going to demolish our team.
WoW4Lyfer: Oh fuck! That’s not good, you’re right, we don’t have enough time for my plan. I heard that Troll is like a 20-man raid. I didn’t even stock up on potions. Shit. Okay. Casting spell of Molten Metal on the sniper now. *bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang*
CODBallDropper: You get him?
WoW4Lyfer: Oh yeah! Who just saved us all from the Troll of Zangarthiam?!
CODBallDropper: You sure you got him?
WoW4Lyfer: Does a Night Elf Princess look hot in a mini-skirt?
CODBallDropper: Probably not. So I’m assuming that means you didn’t get him.
WoW4Lyfer: Ok, yeah, I missed. I thought it was an area of effect spell, but it’s not. I assumed if I shot a circle around him my minions from the deep would’ve been able to crawl up from the ground easier but I must’ve missed a spot or something.
CODBallDropper: Oh, really? No way. That’s so sad. And let me guess, he turned around and shot you in the face.
WoW4Lyfer: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, I don’t know. Hold on a second, I’m watching his Kill Cam thingy now… aaaaaaaand yes. That is how it happened. Pretty much exactly how it happened. But that’s fucking bullshit.
CODBallDropper: What’s bullshit? The fact that you’ve gotten me killed twice or the fact that you’re standing close enough to him to enter his colon and instead of shooting him you thought holding a fucking seance with some creatures that don’t even exist in this game was more appropriate? Huh, which one of those two things is bullshit?
WoW4Lyfer: Neither bro. It’s bullshit because I’m a level 80 fucking WARRIOR dude. How the fuck does a bullet kill a level 80 warrior. I don’t even have any green items. All purple and blue… all purple and blue. He must have some Murder Bane enchantment on his gun.
CODBallDropper: Oh, yeah. Shit, my bad big guy. I forgot to tell you. That guy DOES have a Murder Bane enchantment on his gun.
WoW4Lyfer: Fucking knew it. What are it’s powers?
CODBallDropper: Well, it’s kind of complicated, but basically, if he shoot you directly in the dick and then points his gun at your head, while zooming in enough to see the hamster turning the wheel inside that empty space where you brain should be, and then shoots a bullet perfectly centered at that space, he kills you.
WoW4Lyfer: Fucking huntards.
*CODBallDropper has left the game*
"Did someone slip me some acid?"
